Party Shmarty
Okay I've had it. Party party party is getting old old old. I had fun at Sabine's Birthday party Saturday night but I got WAY too drunk. I hate getting that drunk. You get sloppy and silly and do dumb things. Everyone keeps telling me that yes while I was completely drunk I didn't do anything too stupid. Sure sure, that's all well and good but it would be nice if I could actually remember those details. In fact I can't remember a lot of things that happened which really bothers me. I can't remember the last time I was THAT drunk. There was a party awhile back where I got pretty crazy drunk but not like this. This was just completely over the top. At least I didn't get sick or pass out. Amazing really.
Anyways, I'm embarassed. These photos of me that people took are horrendous! I look fat and sloppy in them. My gut is hanging out of my pants and I look ridiculous. I know I'm being harsh right now but it's what's necessary for me to address the fact that I did a stupid thing. I was talking to Jackie today about how every weekend is just one party after another. This next weekend will be Mark's birthday party. It's overwhelming and getting tiring at this point to spend every weekend party'ing. This is part of the reason I don't live in the city. I like having my distance, my sanctuary to get away from the whole scene. My apartment is my oasis away from all the craziness.
To be honest, while I enjoy being social and having fun, I really want to "settle" down at some point. I want to ocassionally go do these things, but not all the time. I want to have a normal life where things are done in moderation. I want to find that right person and have someone to share things with. It's not much to ask for really, people do it all the time. I'm just stuck in this cycle that I can't seem to get out of. It's always one extreme or another but never that happy medium. I either stay in all the time or go out all the time. I hate it really. I try very hard to not let things like this get me down but this weekend took it's toll on me. What I've never understood is how some of the people I know can live like this ALL the time. It's just too much for me.
Anyways, I'm sure tomorrow I'll be chipper again but tonight I'm just feeling in a down mood. Honestly I'm feeling fat, unattractive and very alone. I hate that. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Anyways, I'm embarassed. These photos of me that people took are horrendous! I look fat and sloppy in them. My gut is hanging out of my pants and I look ridiculous. I know I'm being harsh right now but it's what's necessary for me to address the fact that I did a stupid thing. I was talking to Jackie today about how every weekend is just one party after another. This next weekend will be Mark's birthday party. It's overwhelming and getting tiring at this point to spend every weekend party'ing. This is part of the reason I don't live in the city. I like having my distance, my sanctuary to get away from the whole scene. My apartment is my oasis away from all the craziness.
To be honest, while I enjoy being social and having fun, I really want to "settle" down at some point. I want to ocassionally go do these things, but not all the time. I want to have a normal life where things are done in moderation. I want to find that right person and have someone to share things with. It's not much to ask for really, people do it all the time. I'm just stuck in this cycle that I can't seem to get out of. It's always one extreme or another but never that happy medium. I either stay in all the time or go out all the time. I hate it really. I try very hard to not let things like this get me down but this weekend took it's toll on me. What I've never understood is how some of the people I know can live like this ALL the time. It's just too much for me.
Anyways, I'm sure tomorrow I'll be chipper again but tonight I'm just feeling in a down mood. Honestly I'm feeling fat, unattractive and very alone. I hate that. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Comments:
Post a Comment
