I'm not unhappy I just am.
I have no idea what's wrong with me these days. I wish I could put a finger on what it is but I really can't. I act out on it in different ways whether at work or at friends but it never really makes any sense to me what the cause of is. Whatever it is it has me in a state of perpetual nothingness. I have no reason to be unhappy or depressed yet I'm not happy either. I'm nothing. I hate it though. Sometimes I'm nothing and I dip lower and sometimes I'm just normal. I forget what really being happy is like anymore.
I have a doctor that I see every few weeks to talk about medications and such. I have a meeting with him tomorrow. We have a lot of important things to discuss which may affect my life somewhat from here on out. Whatever he decides though will be important for me because I can't stand living in this nothingness anymore. I really would like to be happy and even sad at times. The blahs are a real drag though.
The worst feeling is the one I have of everyone being happy around me and finding enjoyment out of what they do except for me. I can't seem to do it. I know it sounds like I'm depressed and in some ways I am but I'm just dead inside as well. I used to be able to get inspired to do things and I still sometimes do. I still knit and I even knit some wristbands for some friends. I have pictures I still need to post. I'm thinking of books to read and projects to do but still nothing's really clicking for me overall.
We'll see what the doc has to say tomorrow I guess. Something to look forward to out of everything else that I don't look forward to.
I have a doctor that I see every few weeks to talk about medications and such. I have a meeting with him tomorrow. We have a lot of important things to discuss which may affect my life somewhat from here on out. Whatever he decides though will be important for me because I can't stand living in this nothingness anymore. I really would like to be happy and even sad at times. The blahs are a real drag though.
The worst feeling is the one I have of everyone being happy around me and finding enjoyment out of what they do except for me. I can't seem to do it. I know it sounds like I'm depressed and in some ways I am but I'm just dead inside as well. I used to be able to get inspired to do things and I still sometimes do. I still knit and I even knit some wristbands for some friends. I have pictures I still need to post. I'm thinking of books to read and projects to do but still nothing's really clicking for me overall.
We'll see what the doc has to say tomorrow I guess. Something to look forward to out of everything else that I don't look forward to.
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Try helping others and concentrate less on yourself. Take up some other interests besides bands and bars. Volunteer somewhere. Anywhere. Hospital. Retirement home. Food bank. School. Library. Find a cause to rally for. Get involved in your community. Be a Big Sister. I realize depression is chemical but you can't live the "poor me" life forever or you're not living. Push your boundaries.
By 
, at 12:56 PM
, at 12:56 PM
I've often felt like this..in fact I may have used that exact expression a blog a few weeks ago on myspace. I'm finally out of the feeling now. I'm pretty sure it is some for of depression. Just a really confusing one. I don't really know what to suggest other than to say...lie on a hillside for a while and figure things will be better soon....also for no reason.
By , at 6:44 PM
, at 6:44 PM
hey...i can totally relate. i have felt like that quite a bit. for me it tends to be an over-all feeling of blandness with nothing to really get excited about. while it may be chemical, i've never had my head checked (i'm afraid of what they may find), i also think people are too quick to jump to the "medical" answer. i'm not saying find god (i am not a believer), but i just kind of started to find the things that i like. one day i woke up and said F*ck it. i'm doing things my way...and it just kinda started happening for me. it's weird. i ditched a bunch of my friends that brought me down, i started going to shows again and started taking classes in things that interested me. ok. this is mad long...i'll stop now!
Try omega 3 fatty acids.. like the ones you find in fish oil. But, if you get fish oil (capsules are good so you don't have to taste it) make sure it's been filtered to get pollutants out (like mercury, etc). I am "just not happy" right now. I had been taking the fish oil but had stopped. I think getting back on it will help me. You can look up the effects that Omega 3 fatty acids have on depression.. there's research out there. And, feeling empty or lack of joy is a form of depression. You don't have to be sitting crying to be depressed. If you can, try to stay away from the mood stabilizers from pharmacutical companies.. from what I understand they are Wickedly Addictive!!! If you can do it through behavior modification and adjusting your body's chemistry through homeopathic means (go to your local health food store), it could mean a much easier time if you ever decide to take a different approach... you won't be locked into a drug addiction. God bless.. I hope you are able to find your inner happiness :)
By , at 6:23 PM
, at 6:23 PM
