Moving On / Old Boy
Over the past month there has been lots of drama. Lots of issues and lots of problems. I spent awhile venting via posts then I finally stopped, archived those posts and moved on. Yesterday I went to a party and ran into lots of different people. A few of those people were people that I had issues with.
What I realized from all this though was this: People really like to hear you say you're sorry but they don't have to say it themselves. What I know is this: I'm tired of telling everyone I'm sorry. I have said I'm sorry to just about everyone that I should have. My crime? The crime of saying anything to anyone ever. Because honestly, people talk and when they talk, someone somewhere will find out what was said by whom and then you become the scapegoat for whatever may have happened. Logically, you should think about what you've done wrong or been doing wrong in the first place. Not about how to place the blame on someone else.
I bring this up because I have a friend that I apologized to. They accepted, things were okay. Then something happened to bring that up again. They freaked out on me. I was offended. I then realized maybe this wasn't the type of friend I should have anymore. I see said friend at a party. I bring up the situation and let them know, hey, I'm not happy about what happened. They say, well get over it, let's just pretend it never happened. This bothers me. Hey, where's the I'm sorry I was a jerk to you? Where's they hey, yeah that sucked. Instead its like oh just forget it. I have another friend with similar issues. His deal is he can't take any sort of serious talks or critcisms. If I say hey what you did to me was really disturbing/hurt my feelings etc. He gets angry and defensive and won't talk about it.
I'm worn out. I want to have friends where if things go wrong we can discuss it and come out of the situation a little wiser and treat each other better. I don't want to have to say I'm sorry for every little thing yet never hear I'm sorry back for anything anyone else does. It's time to take responsibility for our actions here! Forgive those that hurt us, and hopefully be forgiven by those we hurt. Plus saying I'm sorry always helps. Truly.
Which brings me to what made me write all this. I saw a movie the other day called "Old Boy". It was a disturbing dramatic Korean movie. It's not horror, but maybe more like psychological terror with lots of violence. I liked a lot of the movie, but there were parts that would never end. Like the last segment of the movie before it finally ends. I also wound up questioning the motivation of the main character Oh Dae-Su a lot... anyways, I'm not sure if it's a must see. More like a 'see'.
Okay this next part is a SPOILER. So don't read any further if you don't want to know anything about this movie and plan on seeing it.
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So a lot of terrible things happen to Oh Dae-Su with a total time span of a little over 15 years. Someone wants revenge on him and he has to figure out after being imprisoned by this person for 15 years without being spoken to, why? What did he do that was so bad? Well what he did was he said something that he saw. He saw something in school one day when he was young that wasn't right. He told his best friend about it then moved away to a bigger city to go to a new school. What he said was repeated by his friend to many others. As a result the parties involved were damaged irrevocably.
Years and years later after Oh Dae-Su has a wife and a young child he is taken one night on the street. He finds himself imprisoned in a room, with a fake window, wallpaper, a bed, a bathroom and shower and a tv. All in all, its a comfortable room. He has pen and paper to write journals and so on. But what he doesn't have is human contact or anyone to talk to. Meanwhile his wife outside is murdered and his daughter sent away to a foster home in Sweden. He is implicated in the murder even though he's trapped in this room. This goes on for 15 insane years. Until one day he's finally released. At this point the person who wants revenge on him sets into motion scary/creepy tactics of revenge on Oh Dae Su telling him he has 5 days to figure what he did and why this person wants revenge on him or someone he is close to will be killed.
Anyways, watch it if you want to see the full story. What was appalling to me about all of this is the person who was seeking revenge did something really wrong. But because Oh Dae-Su saw it and repeated it to one person, his best friend, who couldn't keep a secret all of these terrible terrible things happen to Oh Dae Su. He must be punished for seeing it, for not keeping his mouth shut about it. That's pretty extreme. By the way they're going to do an American remake of this. Old Boy was originally a japanese comic book. It has some graphic storylines in it that I wonder if filmakers will add into the remake. They really should because that's what drives the whole story. I don't think they should chop apart the plot.
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While I don't see anything particularly bad happening to me for what I said, I do see the issues that are caused by it and I feel the hatred that people have for me for saying anything at all. So one day I'm hoping these things die down but until then I continue to cherish the good friends I do have and look for new friends to forge new friendships with. I am a believer in the idea that things do work themselves out eventually and that despite how bad things may be now they will always get better. Plus I know with me out there seeking new things, others will have to look elsewhere to find someone to blame for things. I won't be around to be blamed anymore.
Yes I've done wrong things too but I've said my peace to those that deserve that being said to. I've said my I'm sorry's. If I missed any I hope those people will let me know. In the meantime I'm not going to wait around for certain I'm sorry's I'm owed. I'm just going to move on. So here's to forward momentum!
What I realized from all this though was this: People really like to hear you say you're sorry but they don't have to say it themselves. What I know is this: I'm tired of telling everyone I'm sorry. I have said I'm sorry to just about everyone that I should have. My crime? The crime of saying anything to anyone ever. Because honestly, people talk and when they talk, someone somewhere will find out what was said by whom and then you become the scapegoat for whatever may have happened. Logically, you should think about what you've done wrong or been doing wrong in the first place. Not about how to place the blame on someone else.
I bring this up because I have a friend that I apologized to. They accepted, things were okay. Then something happened to bring that up again. They freaked out on me. I was offended. I then realized maybe this wasn't the type of friend I should have anymore. I see said friend at a party. I bring up the situation and let them know, hey, I'm not happy about what happened. They say, well get over it, let's just pretend it never happened. This bothers me. Hey, where's the I'm sorry I was a jerk to you? Where's they hey, yeah that sucked. Instead its like oh just forget it. I have another friend with similar issues. His deal is he can't take any sort of serious talks or critcisms. If I say hey what you did to me was really disturbing/hurt my feelings etc. He gets angry and defensive and won't talk about it.
I'm worn out. I want to have friends where if things go wrong we can discuss it and come out of the situation a little wiser and treat each other better. I don't want to have to say I'm sorry for every little thing yet never hear I'm sorry back for anything anyone else does. It's time to take responsibility for our actions here! Forgive those that hurt us, and hopefully be forgiven by those we hurt. Plus saying I'm sorry always helps. Truly.
Which brings me to what made me write all this. I saw a movie the other day called "Old Boy". It was a disturbing dramatic Korean movie. It's not horror, but maybe more like psychological terror with lots of violence. I liked a lot of the movie, but there were parts that would never end. Like the last segment of the movie before it finally ends. I also wound up questioning the motivation of the main character Oh Dae-Su a lot... anyways, I'm not sure if it's a must see. More like a 'see'.
Okay this next part is a SPOILER. So don't read any further if you don't want to know anything about this movie and plan on seeing it.
*
*
*
*
*
*
So a lot of terrible things happen to Oh Dae-Su with a total time span of a little over 15 years. Someone wants revenge on him and he has to figure out after being imprisoned by this person for 15 years without being spoken to, why? What did he do that was so bad? Well what he did was he said something that he saw. He saw something in school one day when he was young that wasn't right. He told his best friend about it then moved away to a bigger city to go to a new school. What he said was repeated by his friend to many others. As a result the parties involved were damaged irrevocably.
Years and years later after Oh Dae-Su has a wife and a young child he is taken one night on the street. He finds himself imprisoned in a room, with a fake window, wallpaper, a bed, a bathroom and shower and a tv. All in all, its a comfortable room. He has pen and paper to write journals and so on. But what he doesn't have is human contact or anyone to talk to. Meanwhile his wife outside is murdered and his daughter sent away to a foster home in Sweden. He is implicated in the murder even though he's trapped in this room. This goes on for 15 insane years. Until one day he's finally released. At this point the person who wants revenge on him sets into motion scary/creepy tactics of revenge on Oh Dae Su telling him he has 5 days to figure what he did and why this person wants revenge on him or someone he is close to will be killed.
Anyways, watch it if you want to see the full story. What was appalling to me about all of this is the person who was seeking revenge did something really wrong. But because Oh Dae-Su saw it and repeated it to one person, his best friend, who couldn't keep a secret all of these terrible terrible things happen to Oh Dae Su. He must be punished for seeing it, for not keeping his mouth shut about it. That's pretty extreme. By the way they're going to do an American remake of this. Old Boy was originally a japanese comic book. It has some graphic storylines in it that I wonder if filmakers will add into the remake. They really should because that's what drives the whole story. I don't think they should chop apart the plot.
*
*
*
*
*
*
While I don't see anything particularly bad happening to me for what I said, I do see the issues that are caused by it and I feel the hatred that people have for me for saying anything at all. So one day I'm hoping these things die down but until then I continue to cherish the good friends I do have and look for new friends to forge new friendships with. I am a believer in the idea that things do work themselves out eventually and that despite how bad things may be now they will always get better. Plus I know with me out there seeking new things, others will have to look elsewhere to find someone to blame for things. I won't be around to be blamed anymore.
Yes I've done wrong things too but I've said my peace to those that deserve that being said to. I've said my I'm sorry's. If I missed any I hope those people will let me know. In the meantime I'm not going to wait around for certain I'm sorry's I'm owed. I'm just going to move on. So here's to forward momentum!
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